No, he's ours

Yesterday, I went to pick up Maggie from school. I was talking to Kirsten and Maggie and Katelyn were playing. Maggie's teacher called me over. I must confess that I thought, "oh crap. What did Maggie do?".

But, it was a good thing. Her teacher asked me if Patrick was adopted and I said that he was.

She laughed and said that they were talking about families in class today for language arts. They got to a section about adoption and Maggie raised her hand and told her teacher that Patrick was adopted.

Her teacher said that Patrick wasn't  and asked Maggie if she knew what adoption meant. Maggie said that she did and she was sure that Patrick was adopted. She thought maybe Maggie was confused.

Maggie went on to explain that we had adopted Patrick and she had gone to Stockton to watch us sign the adoption paperwork.

Maggie's teacher was shocked. She couldn't get over it and said, "But, he looks just like you." I laughed and said that I was glad that one of my kids looked like me.

She asked Maggie to bring in pictures of his adoption signing and I sent in the scrapbook that Christine made for me.Christine took pictures for us that day before she started her own photography business and the pictures are precious to me. It's one of my favorite things. Wanna see Christine's new website? Click here!

So, we shocked Maggie's teacher yesterday. I was talking to Maggie about it as we were walking to the car and another one of Maggie's friend's mom overheard us talking. She said, "WHAT?! Patrick's adopted?! NO. He couldn't be. He looks just like you!".

Yep. Here's the proof!

Patrick's world

Steven and I were talking about Patrick last night and really how bizarre it is that we are raising and loving for "someone else's child." I mean, he's ours, but isn't that kind of strange when you really think about it?

I noticed that he says a few words with a southern accent. Yes, we are raising him right.

Isn't that bizarre? He was born here and lives here. But, he is being raised by people from the south and Texas.(Texas isn't the south, according to my husband).

I started thinking about children who are adopted and raised in a culture that is different from there own. It's an amazing concept when you really think about it.

Not that being southern is exactly the same thing. But, don't worry, we are raising him well and true to his NorCal roots. Today, on the way to Sandee's house, we were looking for school buses and we passed an orchard. He said, "look, almond trees".

I was shocked. I mean, his vocabulary is coming along, but he doesn't use a lot of words that are clearly spoken. So, this was a big deal.

And he would never see almond trees in the south and he recognized them this morning. He will get to experience two worlds, actually. We go back at least once a year, so he will experience the Gulf of Mexico and southern hospitality and all the great things about the south. In fact, he will call adults Mr. and Miss even though it's not cool to do that here.

At the same time, he will live here and eat Tri Tip and play in the snow at Lake Tahoe and cough when they are shaking the almond trees.

But, don't worry, he will "grill" Tri Tip. Not BBQ it.

One year ago!

One year ago, we adopted Patrick. It's been  a great year and I'm so glad that he is officially part of our family.

Tonight, Maggie and Patrick went to Raley's with me. I told Maggie that it was one year ago that we adopted Patrick.

Maggie said, "really, we adopted Patrick today last year?".

Patrick raised his hands and shouted, "yay me!".

Isn't he awesome?

crazy

I'm sitting here working/playing Words with Friends and Steven asks me if I have heard of this girl. http://www.kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/

I googled her and started reading and crying. He's reading the USA today article to me as I'm reading her blog.

She is a mama to 13 children. We just kept repeating, "it's so crazy, it's so crazy".

But as Christians, it's not that "crazy". It's what we are called to do. We are supposed to be crazy and do crazy things.

I'm such a mom. My first thought is, "what if that was Maggie?".

What would you do if it was your daughter? Would you be proud? Terrified for her safety?

Birth Certificate

Today, we got a great piece of certified mail.

It was a birth certificate for this little guy!

Yea, I'm copying

My husband wrote an amazing blog about adopting Patrick. Just in case you didn't see it, I've posted it here.

It's amazing to me that he's FINALLY, really and truly OUR kid. He's a Cole. We started praying (and fasting) about this process in January 2006 .God had someone truly amazing in mind for our family and we are so happy.

I wondered if I would feel different about Patrick after we adopted him. I guess it kind of sounds weird, but I do. If it's possible to love someone even more, I do. I feel like I can let any guard down that I didn't even know I had about him. There's no chance that someone can take him away now. He's really our baby boy!

Here's Steven's take on that awesome day.

Snuggly and snotty

Fall is coming and Patrick's body has noticed. It seems like Fall is a hard time on his lungs. The weather changes a little bit and changes back and he's hit hard.

He has asthma and is snotty and coughing a lot and his eyes are running like crazy.

During the day, it doesn't bother him a lot. He's a little more whiny, but he's still a crazy man. He's running around the house and pulling his sister's pink luggage around behind him and nothing slowly him down.

Last night, we were watching Law & Order and it was about a doctor who performed late term abortion. In the middle of this intense scene(I hate shows like this), Patrick starts really coughing and crying. We went to check on him and I stayed in his room and rocked him for a while.

He was sweating and had this deep cough. I snuggled him up in a blanket and rocked him in the rocking chair that had belonged to my great grandfather. He settled down looked up and smiled and sighed and put his head on my chest. I looked down at his curly blond head and started bawling.

I'm so sure that abortion was a thought that his biological mom contemplated. She knew that her relationship with his dad was in trouble and she was struggling with taking care of his older brother. But, she didn't. I'm forever grateful to her for that.

We have the most precious, crazy, giving kisses, talking on the cell phone to his imaginary friends, little boy and I'm grateful.

A circus

Today, we had to sit outside of the courtroom and wait for our case to be called. It was quite an interesting scene.

There were lots of cases all being heard at the exact same time in the same court room. I don't understand the logic, but it means that you sit out on hard benches with a bunch of other people. You wonder if somehow they are related to your case or just there for another case. You hear a lot as you wait on the benches.

There was another normal looking couple there. Blonde, young. I figured they were foster parents for another case. But, they kept staring at us. Not just politely checking us out. Staring at us. Like boring holes in us. It was creepy. Patrick's grandma started to become concerned that they were related to our case and they were a surprise witness who would want to take our kids away from us. I told her that they were just paranoid that we were surprises witnesses who wanted to take their kids away from them.

Then, there was a dad who came in from prison. He was handcuffed and wearing a bright orange suit. When he came into the area, a police officer yelled for everyone to get out of the way. He was there for his children's case and had to be escorted in to a side door. Then, he came out and the officer yelled for us to get out of the way. That didn't feel very safe, to say the least.

Then, a younger woman came in for her case. She was talking to her friend about some program that she was being forced to enter. She learned from her friend that you get fed there and can bring a DVD player, but if you want snacks that you have to pay for them with your own money.

This was shocking to the young woman. Pay for your own snacks?

She literally kept saying this over and over. She said, "So, we have to pay for our food with our cash? With our own money? We have to pay for our own snacks?".

When her wise, experienced friend told her that it was true that she would have to pay for her own snacks, she was shocked. She told him that she would get back on her food stamps, but she couldn't even believe that she "had to pay for her food with cash".

While we didn't get the outcome that we wanted, we received quite an education today. The most important lesson I learned was that sometimes you gotta pay for your own food with cash.

Wednesday

On Wednesday, we have a court hearing for Patrick. It's a hearing regarding his mom's rights. If the judge decides to terminate her rights, we could proceed with adopting him and he could be "officially" ours by the end of this year. What will probably happen is that the judge will continue our case and we will wait for the next hearing before a real decision is made.

I feel more at peace about this court hearing than I have ever felt before. I don't really mind if it's continued, because I feel like it's just a waiting game now. However, it would be really awesome, if the judge ruled in our favor on Wednesday.

Termination of rights sounds painful, doesn't it? I feel bad for his biological mother. She has had a rough time and doesn't really have a fighting chance of getting these boys back. That doesn't make me want to give up my Pat Pat at all,but I do feel bad for her.

We spoke to a foster class on Saturday. All of the parents there were so cute and excited and I hope we didn't scare them away from the process of fostering. They asked us if we would consider fostering again. We stuttered and ummmmm'ed our way to "we don't know".

It's been a relatively easy roller coaster ride and there are so many more babies out there who need homes. But, who knows what God has in store for us next? Maybe a break? Maybe more? I don't know. Steven is getting pretty old! :)

I'm so grateful for our Patrick. He's a mess and crazy and so active and I couldn't love him more than a baby that I carried for 9 months.

So, please pray for our judge on Wednesday. I'm praying for a fast, easy ruling and a HUGE celebration for Patrick becoming part of our family.

Adoption story

As you know, fostering/adoption is something very dear to our family. Steven sent me this blog today and I thought I would share the link with y'all!

http://www.potsc.com/uncategorized/guest-post-nicole-wick-on-adoption/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+deadlyviper_blog+%28People+of+the+Second+Chance+Blog%29&utm_content=Google+Reader

P.S. If you email me, I will send you an adorable picture that Steven just sent me of Patrick in a grocery cart. He's so cute!

I wish...

• I wish that I could post pictures of Patrick on the internet. He is so photogenic and cute.
• I wish that the world could share in seeing his cuteness.
• I wish I knew what was going to happen in his court case this week.
• I wish I knew if we were going to have him next year.
• I wish I knew if we would be able to adopt him.
• I wish that it didn't take a court document for us to take him on vacation.
• I wish I could step into the future and just see if we still had him. Then, I would come back to present time and keep living the rollercoaster ride.
• I wish I knew the best way to explain all of this to him when he gets older and starts asking questions.
• I wish that he would be here later to ask me lots of questions.
• I wish I knew that no matter where he was living that he would be safe.
• I wish that I could honestly say that I prayed for his future everyday.
• I wish that his mom was a healthy person.
• I secretly wish that her health/safety didn't determine whether or not he was ours forever.
• I wish the judge who makes decisions for Patrick's life could see a glimpse into his life.
• I wish that the judge who rules in his case would make the best decision for him.
• I wish I could end this post with the cute picture of him that I am looking at right now.

God's sovereignty l

This is a hard blog to write. Steven has been speaking on God's sovereignty lately and how He has a much, much bigger plan than we can imagine. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. I wish I could go into the future, see what is going to happen and then come back to my normal, right now life. I think I could handle it better.

Patrick's bio mom is back. She wants visits. There's so much there that I can't even begin to explain. But, it means, once a week, I have to interact with her and hand over my baby to her. Technically, he is her son, but she had never seen him before this past Monday. He was taken immediately at birth and she never saw him after that.

So, this Monday was the dreaded day. The first time she ever saw him. She came in with lots of family members and it was so hard to let him go into the other room. I had to sit outside of a cubicle and listen to the madness inside. Luckily, we met his dad's parents the week before. They are such a blessing and we sat outside together awkwardly. What do you talk about while your babies are visiting with their other family?

Patrick had a wet diaper while he was visiting. They asked me for diapers and I went into the room to hand them to his mom. She wanted to change his diaper in the room and the social worker told her that she had to go to the bathroom to change him. However, she couldn't go to the bathroom alone with Patrick, she had to be supervised. She insisted on changing him in the room and the social worker insisted they use the changing station in the bathroom. I'm still standing at the doorway with the diapers. The social worker says,"just let the foster mom change his diaper."

His mom yells, "SHE's not changing him. I'm going to change him!". Whoa! Where did that come from? That's fine with me. I change his diaper 6-7 times a day. I don't care if you want to change him.

I walked out of the room. The social worker took her and both boys to the bathroom so she could supervise the interaction.

I was shaking. I walked back sat down and uttered a cuss word under my breath. I was so mad!

The visit was over. He smelled like their perfume. I took him home and he was exhausted and fell asleep so after. It was miserable. I was upset and how do I deal with all of these emotions? We knew the risk when we signed up for this. His mom could get it back together and take him. How will I be able to handle him living somewhere else? What if it's not a safe place?

So, on Thursday, I was by myself for a minute and I know that God was getting on to me. He is disappointed in my behavior. It doesn't matter what they do. Or how they act. My job is to be a witness for Him. I may not lead them to Christ, but I may be the only interaction that they have with a Christian. If I am acting like that, how can they see Him in me? Or what about to Patrick's dad's parents? What did they see? They saw me acting stupid and getting angry about a silly interaction.

Please pray for my family. This is extremely difficult. I forget that Patrick is a foster baby. He's our son and I can't even think about him leaving us. But, I have to interact with his other family for a while. I have to be a witness for Christ. The other stuff is not important. Christ is my first priority and I have to be constantly reminded of that.

trying to sort it out

We have had Patrick for 3 months now. He looks like Maggie. He adores Steven. He is seriously one of the easiest going babies ever born. Most of the time forget that I didn't give birth to him.

Today, during worship, God hit me pretty hard. I don't pray for his mom to get well. There's a part of me that doesn't want her to get well. I love him. It's easier for me if she doesn't recover.

I say that it's because I want him to be in a safe place. But, I really just want him to be in our family forever. He's perfect and wonderful.

I don''t have a nice ending for this blog. Just being vulnerable.

I've been putting this one off for a while

I miss our little guy so much. I don't know really how to grieve through this at all. After they left, my mom and brother joined us for 2 weeks. We had a great visit, but I didn't have to really think about my feelings.This was followed by my stepsister's wedding in New Orleans. We talked about it some more because people were concerned about how we were doing.

For the first few days, Maggie cried a lot and talked about the kids a lot. Then, one morning we were talking about the little guy and Maggie asked me to stop. She said that it hurt too much to talk about him. So, I tried not to talk about him as much. I feel slightly guilty but we don't miss the little girl much. She was so much work and caused so much pain in our lives.

But, it's starting to get quiet. There is not as much going on and there's time to think. You can only push away the thoughts for so long. I miss him. I miss his little smile and how gentle he was. I miss watching Maggie make him smile when he was upset. I miss cuddling with him and most of all...I am worried about him. I hope that he is okay. I am worried about what is going to happen to him.

I am mad.I am mad at his social worker. She is taking out her anger on us and the former foster parents on the children. We are not bad people and while I understand that it's "EASIER" to not have contact with us, I would love some reassurance that he is okay.

I am confused. I am confused about what this means for our family. What do we do next? Of course, to complicate things, our foster license is up for renewal at the end of the month. Logically, it makes sense just to renew it and go through the hoops. It took a lot of work to get our license. But, in my heart, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

I don't think we can do this again. It was hard enough for Steven and me to deal with it. But, do we do this again to Maggie. We are supposed to protect her. I don't know how to deal with all of this stuff.

wednesday

Will you please pray for our family? On Wednesday, our foster kids' case is going to court. The judge will decide between the kids' grandmother and the mom's friend. This is so hard on all of us.

Matthew Chapter 25

On Sunday during church, I had a moment that changed my whole perspective on fostering. Steven ended his sermon with Matthew 25.

Here are the verses:

34"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'

37"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'

40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

41"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. 42For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'

44"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?'

45"He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.'

46"Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

The part that stuck out to me was: in prison.

Both of J's parents are now in prison. Maybe our job is not to fight for them to stay with us. Our job is to love and care for them while we have them. Our job is to make sure that we help the next home as much as possible. Maybe we are supposed to show them Christ's love. I had such a sense of peace about it all. I can't change anything about where they go next, but I can help their transition go really well. I can help their grandmother with clothes and diapers and birthday gifts. Maybe she will allow us to stay in their lives and we can still impact them in some way.

Today, we had a great visit with their grandmother. It was so interesting to get her perspective on everything and I mentioned being a part of their lives. At first, I didn't get much of a response, but then she said that she would invite us to J's birthday party.

She also talked to J about coming for a visit to her house. J said, "will you take me to church?". That is J's favorite thing to do. She loves church. Maybe her grandmother will keep taking her because J asks her about going to church.

Mixed blessing

Yesterday was a court hearing for a NRFM (non related family member..whatever that means). She is fighting for custody of the children. She was denied previously, but is fighting the court.

The case was continued because now J's paternal grandmother wants both of the kids. I have such mixed feelings about this. I think it's important that the kids stay together. They are really the only stability that they have in each other. However, this grandmother is not related to R. And she has only met them once, which was 2 weeks ago. I guess we're not related to R either, but whatever.

I called the lawyer to ask if we can fight for R. I was told that the grandmother is shaping up and should probably receive placement within 30 days. When I told the lawyer, he was shocked. (Don't lawyers and SW talk to each other?!) He didn't know that things were progressing with the grandmother. He said that he would fight for them to stay together, but he was still fighting for them to stay with us.

So, basically who knows what is going to happen?The next court case is the beginning of next month. At that point, they will (hopefully) make a decision between NRFM/grandmother/us.

Keep on praying for us. We hope that if it means that they have to leave that they will leave before the first of the year. We can't take them with us to my stepsister's wedding out of state. I don't want to have to find respite for the week and then have them go a couple of weeks later.

warning: vent

I"ve heard that adoptive parents can go through the stages of grief with their new children. Well, today I am in the stage of anger. I am really mad at their bio mother. I can't believe that she did this to two children. I know that we all make mistakes and she has problems of her own, but she really should have thought about this before she decided to have children.

J is having real issues. And I am mad. Our family has to deal with it. I know that this is a bad attitude to have, but that's how I am feeling today. She has to be constantly monitored. She can't let anyone in and she can't truly trust us. Granted it has only been 3 weeks that she has been here, but her brother who was in a loving foster home his whole life is not having the issues that she has.

It's just hard to deal with her issues and know that they are not really her fault. It's because of the selfish actions of an adult.

Things in general are getting better. But, we find that as soon as she lets us get close or feels to vulnerable, the next day is awful.

Even today after I worked, I came home determined to show her love. I paid attention to her but as soon as I got distracted, it started all over again. Time in followed by time in followed by time out within 15 minutes. It's so frustrating. She has to follow me around the house because if I leave her alone, chaos ensues!

So, keep praying for us. I need to forgive her bio mom. She told J at the last visit that I wasn't her real mom and that she shouldn't call me mommy. I don't care that she calls me mommy,but she doesn't realize what that does to J. J is so confused already and now her bio mom is adding more to the issues. She hears the other kids calling me mommy so it's natural for her to call me that, too. I tried "mommy beth" but she quickly changed that. She doesn't care about what's easiest for her daughter, she is only worried about her feelings.

Oka

3 is more than 1

Whoa. Who knew my life would be so busy? We have recently taken in 2 foster children. They are both under 3 years old. I won't be posting their pictures on my blog for safety reasons, but believe me....they are cute. If you know me, send me an email and I can forward you some pics.

MOPS has come to the rescue again and is bringing meals to us this week. It's such a relief to not have to worry about what to have for dinner.

We went to the pumpkin patch today and had a blast. I was a little scattered though following 3 kids around in 3 different directions.

I'd better go. They are out of eyesight...makes me nervous.

Who knew?

A week ago, I took Steven to the airport at 4 a.m. Then, Maggie went to preschool and we came home and took a long nap. We had a meeting at church that night, so I took her to Applebee's. While we were eating, my Social Worker called with 2 potential children. To keep them safe, I'll call them J and R. J is a 2.5 little girl. R is a 18 month old little boy. They needed a home and hopefully we will be able to adopt them. For right now, we are still fostering them.

In a week, my life has changed. I have seen them everyday since Thursday. They have a visit with bio mom tomorrow and it will be the first day that I haven't seen them. It will be weird, but I have so much to do to get ready. It will be nice to have some time to work!

They are wonderful. I wish I could share pictures with you, but I am trying to be safe. If I know you and you send me an email, I will be glad to share pics with you.

They are moving in next Saturday. There have been so many great little stories so far.

Today's story is a little rough. I had them most of the day. R was so tired and needed a nap, but has never been laid down for a nap before. I would rock him to sleep and try to put him down and he would scream. Over and over. i was getting frustrated that he had never been in a crib before. Anyway, I finally got him to sleep and went to check on maggie in her room. She asked me for some stickers earlier and I snapped at her to get them herself. J was laying on the sofa resting.

I went in to see Maggie and I was holding R so he would keep sleeping.

Guess what Maggie was doing? She was making me a scrapbook. She found a Cinderella scrapbook. Put pieces of paper in it and found pictures of me when I was little and of her when she was little. Then decorated each page with stickers.

I started crying. It was so thoughtful of her. Steven returned from lunch to check on us. Finding me hugging and bawling with Maggie while holding R. He said, "got this mommy of 3 thing under control?".

She took the scrapbook in the car to work on it some more and was showing pictures to J in the backseat. I could hear her saying, "here's a picture of Daddy 'apetizing'(aka baptizing) Mommy". Guess who started crying again?