Tuesday, October 28, 2008

warning: vent

I"ve heard that adoptive parents can go through the stages of grief with their new children. Well, today I am in the stage of anger. I am really mad at their bio mother. I can't believe that she did this to two children. I know that we all make mistakes and she has problems of her own, but she really should have thought about this before she decided to have children.

J is having real issues. And I am mad. Our family has to deal with it. I know that this is a bad attitude to have, but that's how I am feeling today. She has to be constantly monitored. She can't let anyone in and she can't truly trust us. Granted it has only been 3 weeks that she has been here, but her brother who was in a loving foster home his whole life is not having the issues that she has.

It's just hard to deal with her issues and know that they are not really her fault. It's because of the selfish actions of an adult.

Things in general are getting better. But, we find that as soon as she lets us get close or feels to vulnerable, the next day is awful.

Even today after I worked, I came home determined to show her love. I paid attention to her but as soon as I got distracted, it started all over again. Time in followed by time in followed by time out within 15 minutes. It's so frustrating. She has to follow me around the house because if I leave her alone, chaos ensues!

So, keep praying for us. I need to forgive her bio mom. She told J at the last visit that I wasn't her real mom and that she shouldn't call me mommy. I don't care that she calls me mommy,but she doesn't realize what that does to J. J is so confused already and now her bio mom is adding more to the issues. She hears the other kids calling me mommy so it's natural for her to call me that, too. I tried "mommy beth" but she quickly changed that. She doesn't care about what's easiest for her daughter, she is only worried about her feelings.



Meaghan said...

I came by to invite you to my giveaway but got caught up in your post and am so glad I came across your blog!

I am a recent 3b cervical cancer survivor. I was diagnosed at age 28 and had no kids at the time. Now I cannot have my own biological children. I have thought about adoption but i hesitate sometimes because it scares me. I know that it would be a wonderful thing for the child and me but i am not sure I have what it takes, its seems like such a difficult journey.

You are in my prayers and thoughts!

If you are interested in my giveaway im giving away 1 lb of gourmet coffee from my new online shop. You can enter at www.getthebean.blogspot.com


Bug said...

Meaghan: You should go to the Dave Thomas Foundation website. They have good resources for people you are thinking about adoption.