J

I admit that this was a harder blog to write. I had to think about this one for a while.

J is tough girl. She has a hard time letting people in. We started researching attachment issues. She doesn't have all of them. Some of these are found in lots of 2 year olds, but we see them in her.

The hardest part of the last few days has been the CONSTANT fighting with her and Maggie. It was horrible. They couldn't look at each other without fighting. Some of this is my issue. I didn't fight with my brother like other siblings. We were 5 years apart. We didn't fight over things. So, this bickering drives me crazy.

I have been praying a lot and especially in the morning before we start the day.

This morning, things were so good. The girls played together so nicely. They had a pillow fight and had a great time together. Then, we went to the doctor's office and they held hands. Maggie told J that she wants to buy her a present to welcome her to our family. J told Maggie that she was her best friend. It was so nice to hear.

I know that things won't stay this way, but at least there is some "like" there. Even if they fight again, there is some relationship forming there.

Then we went to the doctor. On the way there, she asked me if she was getting shots. I didn't think that she was, so I told her no. Guess what? She had a flu shot today. i felt so guilty.

She cried and cried. She begged Maggie to hug her for a while. Then, we came home and she tried to take a nap but just kept crying. I held her and rocked her for a while. This is a big deal. She doesn't let me rock or hold her close. She was not in a great mood after this though. I think she was hurting and very defiant.

So, tonight, Steven put her to bed. An hour after she went to bed, she was whimpering/crying in her sleep. I went in there to check on her. She was still kind of asleep. I held her hand and gave her some water. Then, I started crying. She drives me crazy sometimes. She is so difficult. Then, I remember that she is a toddler. She is a toddler who has been in 4 different homes so far. I started wondering if she had ever been comforted in her sleep before. She is used to crying to herself and no one coming. It made me so sad to think of her crying and knowing that no one was coming for her. I have to keep trying with her. I have to break through with her.