Control

We have been working with J a lot on control issues. She has had to survive for so long and is very independent. In a way, this is a good thing. What other two year old can get themselves dressed completely, including shoes? It is so different from Maggie who would prefer that EVERYTHING was done for her. :)

However, this independence rears its ugly head in ways that are so hard. She wants to do everything for herself and be in charge of everyone and everything in the house. She is very bossy to Maggie and R. The other day she was in the front of the house in her tshirt and diaper and had her finger pointing in the air telling R and Maggie what was about to happen. I told her that children wearing diapers were not in charge of everyone in the house. It was so ironic.

She has had to be self sufficient and we have to teach her to be dependent on us. Many times during the day, we say, "J, you are not in charge. You don't have to be in control. Mommy and Daddy will take care of things. Don't worry about it." It's almost like you could pull a string on the back of my neck and I would quote this verbatium.

The other night, I couldn't sleep. I can't seem to fall asleep because I worry about what is going to happen to them next. What if R can't sleep and is crying for us? What if they are scared? What if plagues me til I am exhausted and finally fall asleep.

I started praying and thought about J and her issues with control. I heard the word "control". It came together for me. Just like we have to teach her how to give control to us, we have to give the control to God in this situation. He has in under control already. We can't be in charge. He is our Daddy and will take care of the kids when we aren't there.