The dog ate my homework???

I think I have heard it all now.

I have taught community college classes/online classes for 5 years now. I have heard every variety of excuse about why a student couldn't make it to class/be there for a test/turn in an assignment.

I was SHOCKED by the amounts of grandmas that died in my first semester of teaching at a community colleges. I was getting concerned about my grandmas (and I have 5 of them right now) and their health. There must have been some kind of epidemic going around because almost all of my students had grandmas that were dying and their grandchildren couldn't turn in their work because of the funerals.

By the 2nd semester, I was pretty jaded. I asked for doctor's excuses, but never went so far as to ask for a death certificate. But, you'd better be sniffing and crying when you told me about your grandma dying.

Now that I teach online classes, it's a little harder to know what's legit. (M.C. Hammer is 2 legit to quit,but I digress). I get a lot of phone calls and emails about things that come up in the life of a student. I have gotten pretty good at deciphering what's real and what's just an excuse for extra time on an assignment.
Even in emails, you can tell if a person is telling the truth or not.

Tonight, I got my best excuse ever. It wasn't even an attempt to cover up the truth. No dying grandmas here.

Nope, this student couldn't turn in his work on time because....(let me read you the exact quote)

"my kid was away from home tonight and it was just the wife and I. Let's just say that we spent some much needed time together."

Are you serious? You are telling me you couldn't do your homework because you were um....insert whatever cliche' you want here.

Wow. This isn't even a student from my Human Sexuality class.