Coo coo

I got a new camera.

Woot had a great deal on a point and shoot camera. Maggie enjoys posing for my new toy, but she thinks I am a little crazy with my camera.

God's sovereignty l

This is a hard blog to write. Steven has been speaking on God's sovereignty lately and how He has a much, much bigger plan than we can imagine. I hate not knowing what is going to happen. I wish I could go into the future, see what is going to happen and then come back to my normal, right now life. I think I could handle it better.

Patrick's bio mom is back. She wants visits. There's so much there that I can't even begin to explain. But, it means, once a week, I have to interact with her and hand over my baby to her. Technically, he is her son, but she had never seen him before this past Monday. He was taken immediately at birth and she never saw him after that.

So, this Monday was the dreaded day. The first time she ever saw him. She came in with lots of family members and it was so hard to let him go into the other room. I had to sit outside of a cubicle and listen to the madness inside. Luckily, we met his dad's parents the week before. They are such a blessing and we sat outside together awkwardly. What do you talk about while your babies are visiting with their other family?

Patrick had a wet diaper while he was visiting. They asked me for diapers and I went into the room to hand them to his mom. She wanted to change his diaper in the room and the social worker told her that she had to go to the bathroom to change him. However, she couldn't go to the bathroom alone with Patrick, she had to be supervised. She insisted on changing him in the room and the social worker insisted they use the changing station in the bathroom. I'm still standing at the doorway with the diapers. The social worker says,"just let the foster mom change his diaper."

His mom yells, "SHE's not changing him. I'm going to change him!". Whoa! Where did that come from? That's fine with me. I change his diaper 6-7 times a day. I don't care if you want to change him.

I walked out of the room. The social worker took her and both boys to the bathroom so she could supervise the interaction.

I was shaking. I walked back sat down and uttered a cuss word under my breath. I was so mad!

The visit was over. He smelled like their perfume. I took him home and he was exhausted and fell asleep so after. It was miserable. I was upset and how do I deal with all of these emotions? We knew the risk when we signed up for this. His mom could get it back together and take him. How will I be able to handle him living somewhere else? What if it's not a safe place?

So, on Thursday, I was by myself for a minute and I know that God was getting on to me. He is disappointed in my behavior. It doesn't matter what they do. Or how they act. My job is to be a witness for Him. I may not lead them to Christ, but I may be the only interaction that they have with a Christian. If I am acting like that, how can they see Him in me? Or what about to Patrick's dad's parents? What did they see? They saw me acting stupid and getting angry about a silly interaction.

Please pray for my family. This is extremely difficult. I forget that Patrick is a foster baby. He's our son and I can't even think about him leaving us. But, I have to interact with his other family for a while. I have to be a witness for Christ. The other stuff is not important. Christ is my first priority and I have to be constantly reminded of that.

Bedtime Prayers

Maggie feeding her brother oatmeal------>









Last night, I was putting Maggie to sleep. When we pray together, she asks me to pray first and she follows.

I thanked God for our family and for creating the world.

She followed:
Dear God,

Thank for you Daddy, Mommy and Patrick. Thank you for Memaw and Nah Nah. Thank you for Willie, Mickey and Sparky. Thank you for making everything in the world, except for
yucky bugs. I don't like those.

Amen.

Rainbow Brite giveaway

Do you remember Rainbow Brite? She was a part of my childhood. She was beautiful and she wore bright, beautiful clothing.

I was recently sent some CDs from Mom Select. It contains games and downloads and a cartoon from the new Rainbow Brite. She had a makeover!

I have about 5 CDs to giveaway. If you would like one, leave me a comment and I will get it to you.

Maggie loves playing the games and I think it would be best for girls around her age or maybe a little older.

Disney on ice

Tonight, I am taking Maggie to see Disney on ice. I am so excited and she is so excited. I got her tickets for her Valentine's present and I got a really good deal on them. She has decided what she is going to wear and wants to go early and see Princess Tiana. It's a mommy/daughter night.

I thought back to this blog. http://coleminer.xanga.com/644316279/random-ramblings/
It was 2 years ago. I wanted to take her so bad, but we couldn't justify spending the money on it. I tear up reading the pain behind the post. I was thinking about it and things are different for us monetarily. We make almost the same exact money as we did 2 years ago.

I guess the only thing that is different is that we paid off a lot of debt last year. We did Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace. We have more debt to go, but we are attacking it. And it has freed up so much of our income.

So, I'm taking Maggie moo to see Disney on Ice tonight and we will have a great time. She has been saving up her money for a souvenir from the event!

He must be growing

Patrick is a big guy. He's feet and hands are ginormous. He can wear size 12 clothes and he wears a size 4 in shoes. I remember Maggie wearing a size 4 shoe when she was around 18 months old. I've stopped buying shoes til he's walking; it's just pointless to keep buying shoes for someone who doesn't need them and goes through them so fast!

He's not chunky in his tummy, but he has huge cheeks and lots of rolls on his thighs. Nikki (who babysits for him on Sundays) said that he even has rolls on his knees.

On Saturday, he woke up around 7:30. He fell asleep at 9:30 and slept til noon. He woke up and played and tried to pull up on the sofa for a while. He fell back asleep at 2:30 and slept til 5. He woke up and played and ate and fell asleep at 7 p.m. He slept all night.

I was telling Kim and Brynn about this. They both said that he must be growing. Brynn said, "but how could he get any bigger?!".

Sundays are pretty crazy, so he didn't sleep as much, but he ate all day long. He was just starving all day. Then, he woke up at 3 a.m. and wanted a bottle. He never wakes up in the middle of the night.

So, I think we have a big guy on our hands.

I'm in love

I have a confession. When Patrick came home, I didn't immediately fall in love with him. He's adorable and cute and sweet, but I just didn't feel like I was bonding with him. I kept trying to remember how I felt when Maggie first came home. I don't remember instantly bonding with her either. It was such a haze of sleepless nights and crying for the first 4-5 months, I don't remember much.

But, I must admit that with Patrick it felt different. I felt myself holding back with him. We got burned so bad with the last foster kids that were here. What if he was taken away too? Add to that adjusting to new responsibilities and trying to juggle 2 kids and a house and a job. I was stressed. It just felt overwhelming.

In addition to that, he loved Maggie and Steven. Steven did most of the late night shifts with him so he was bonded more to Steven. Patrick loves Maggie so much. He just laughs when she walks in the room. Steven and Maggie were always doing silly stuff to make him laugh and he loved it.

Last weekend, I had to take him to the doctor for his breathing treatments. Then, I was up most of the night with him giving him more treatments. I rocked him on and off all night in the recliner so he could get some sleep. I started to feel more and more connected to him.

He's starting to have some separation anxiety and prefers Steven and me over others now. He used to go happily to anyone, but now he likes to be with us.

It's like it all clicked at once. He wants us and I fell in love at the same time. He's adorable and so sweet.

Guess what his first word was? Ba ba. (bottle)

Guess what his 2nd word was? Mu ma (mama). He says it with a toothless grin as he reaches out for me.

It's the best word in the world.