TLC: reality (?) show about pastor's wives

Ramona beat me to it, but I couldn't wait to blog about this. The Atlanta Journal-Constitution wrote this article about the new reality show on TLC. The AJC says that TLC is in the works to start a reality show about the lives of pastor's wives.

According to the article: TLC has ordered a new program that follows strong-willed Atlanta women with leadership roles in the city’s religious community. The women on the show manage day-to-day politics at churches, help troubled or needy congregants, and hire and fire staff. Some even step up to the pulpit to sermonize.

What?! Why didn't they ask me? Oh, I guess it's cause we're not living in Georgia anymore. That's the only reason, right?

Or maybe it's cause I don't have enough drama in my life. Don't they know about the random people ringing my doorbell at 10 at night asking for blankets or eating the goldfish crackers in my front yard. What else do they want?

Or maybe it's because according to the Huffington post, they are highlighting women who: The Real Housewives of Atlanta," will follow the "outspoken ladies who work to ensure that their churches run as smooth as Southern-churned butter."

Southern-churned butter? Well, what church is that? And really what is southern-churned butter? Is this some kind of slam against Paula Deen and her recent diabetes ordeal.

Okay, back on topic. How in the world can this be a good thing? Most  women that I know who are married to ministers don't want to be on a reality show. I guess I can hope that it will show ministry in a good light. But, it's just not going to be a real look at ministry. I guess it could give the general public a glimpse into the lives of ministers and their families.

I read in one of these articles that the wives in this show will be married to pastors who at mega churches and have to deal with financial issues and groupies going after their husbands. I can relate to the financial issue part, but Steven doesn't have any groupies. So, I probably won't get tapped to be in this latest reality show.

Married to a Pastor: parsonage

Don't be jealous, but we live in a parsonage. It always strikes me as funny that we live in California, where the normal ministry rules don't apply, but we live in a parsonage.

This was a huge, scary deal to me when Steven told me that the church where he was interviewing had a parsonage. Oh yeah, and it's next door to the church. Great.

Honestly, we haven't had any issues with it, though. I wish there was a funny story behind this to make my blog post a better one. Hmmm.....anyone want to do something to change this?

We really wouldn't be able to make it here without the parsonage. We are at a small church and we live in stinking expensive California. The parsonage allows us to live here and serve at this church.

The house was built by the men at our church in 1970. There are parts of it that are really outdated and the carpet  is in sad, sad condition. But, it is solid house. I mean, I look around at the cabinets and the house is just built really, really well.

I think it's amazing that it was built by some of the members of our church, who are still around. (People live forever out here)

The church members are very giving with our needs for the parsonage, too.  When the dishwasher went out, I got to go pick out the new one. I had heard horror stories about parsonages before. Like families who have to have yearly inspections of the house (don't get any ideas!). That is not the way that we are treated here.  The house was freshly painted before we moved in. I mean, they even let my parents live with us.

There is a small part of me as a middle class girl that wishes we were building equity into something. But, really  does it matter? We are living in a house that is nice and it's actually convenient for Steven to work next door. If he has  a meeting at night, he can pop over and see the kids after school.

I need to work on my hospitality and have church members over more often. Right after we moved in, we had everyone over for Grilled (bbq'd) hamburgers. Mr. Jee, who helped build the house and is in his 90s, complimented something in the house and told me that it was the first time that he had been invited over to the house.

So, there's no horror story to go along with our stay in the parsonage. Our church is so gracious to us. Have you heard any crazy stories about pastors living in the parsonage?

Pastor's wife's expectations

Maybe I'll make this a Sunday blog topic. We'll see how vulnerable I feel.

Let me tell you a little story. When we moved to our church, there were about 40 people attending. About twenty of them were in their 20s and 20 of them were were over 50.

One of the people in the over 50 crowd came up to me one of the first Sundays after Steven started working at the church with a big smile on her face.

She said, "I hear you can play the piano."

Confused, I replied, "well, I took piano lessons in middle school. But, I'm not good at it."

She said, "No. THEY told me that you could play the piano."

I told her that I was sorry, but I couldn't play the piano.

She looked so disappointed. Then, she said, "I know what I'll do. I'll started praying that God will give you this gift."

I honestly don't remember what I said to this. I probably smiled and tried to cover up the emotion on my face.

It's so funny, but I understand what she wanted. She wanted our church to go back to hymns played on the piano (you know, the way God intended). She wanted the old pastor back who plays the piano beautifully. Maybe I could be the answer to that.

It's so cliche, isn't it? For the pastor's wife to play the piano? Isn't it a course that they offer seminary wives? (just kidding)

I haven't had to deal with situations like this very often. But, I think it gives me a glimpse into what some people expect for wives married to ministers.

Even if you aren't in ministry, you can probably relate. What have you expectations have you experienced in ministry or in life? How do you handle it when you don't fit the mold?

Being married to a pastor

There is no way to get all of my thoughts on this into one blog. So, I'll just start here and maybe be brave enough to hit the publish post button. Why is my heart beating so fast? Oh yeah, cause I hate controversy.

I can think of no other job where a husband's job determines so much about a wife.

I'm married to a man who is a pastor. I love him. I love that he is doing what he loves. I love that he is a  pastor. But, I would love him if he wasn't pastoring.

I don't like that his job defines me.

This has nothing to do with the people at our church right now. They are wonderful and like me for me.

I remember when Steven was interviewing for this job. He asked me what other questions he should ask them. I immediately said, "what expectations do they have for the pastor's wife?"

So, during the interviewing process, Steven asked this question to the group and I remember Daniel answering. He said, "we want her to be an active member of our church. We don't have any other expectations of her."

And I breathed a  sigh of relief.

Fortunately, this has been true. I mean, there have been some funny moments where people ask me about playing the piano, but that's for another blog.

I guess I find it frustrating when I meet people for the first time and they find out that I'm a "pastor's wife" and they apologize for cussing earlier. I don't tell people what Steven does for a living. I don't volunteer that information. I hate it when they start acting different around me. Or making a big deal about his job.

I don't make a big deal out of what their husband does for a living. I know that it's really just their insecurities coming out, but it's always awkward. And it makes me feel uncomfortable.

So, that's all I have for right now. I mean, there's more to this subject. I just want to be given more than just the "pastor's wife" title. There's more to me than that.

The brick

This morning, Kim and Owen came to our front door right before I took Maggie to school. They said that someone broke into the church last night.

The lady who broke into the church threw 2 bricks through the toddler room window. Then, she slept there and wrote a note on the bricks that she threw through the window. It said, "I'm sorry. I was tired and cold." Then, she signed her name.

She went into Steven's office and wrote a note apologizing again.

She was at the church when Tiffany got to church this morning. Tiffany thought that Steven was meeting with her. While Tiffany went to the church office, the girl went out the front door.

While Steven was meeting with the police, he remembered that he had a checkbook in his office. We keep it there sometimes in case we forget a check to write our tithes. Steven couldn't find the checkbook. We tried and tried to remember if the checkbook was still there or if we had run out of checks. We couldn't remember so Steven had to go sort it out with the bank today. He also had to go and have the window replaced.

And I "know" that the right thing is to feel sorry for her, but I honestly am having a really hard time with it.

This is the 3rd break in that we have experienced since we moved here. The first one was a break in to Steven's truck window.

Then, someone broke into my van window.

Now, the church.

Frankly, I'm tired of paying for broken windows.

I know that I should just be grateful that my family is safe and nothing has ever been stolen. It's just annoying.

So, I'm trying to feel something besides annoyance for the brick throwing girl. I have never felt that desperation before so I can't fully understand what she was feeling.

I don't know how to neatly tie up this blog. Hmmm.....how about "hurting people hurt people"?

Or "it is what it is"?

Nah, I hate both of those phrases.

HWMT

I've told Steven over and over again that we will never be a Husband Wife Ministry Team. But, I opened my big mouth and look what happened!

http://northgatemanteca.podbean.com/2009/09/14/091309family-portraits/

Visiting with Donna

Last week, I met with Donna. She lives 30 minutes from where we were for our conference.

Donna is a friend from a pastor's wives' message board that I joined right after I got married. It has been such a great group of supportive, Christian women who understand life in ministry.

I have met Julia and Gina and I couldn't wait to meet Donna. I went to her house and then we went to a flower park nearby. It was beautiful. This is the view from the top looking back of the garden.

Here's some gorgeous lilies. They weren't as fragrant as most lilies are, but they were really pretty.

Donna's daughter, Joy, came with us. She is such a beautiful girl and I am so glad that I got to meet her. This is Joy and Donna posing in front of the ballroom at the flower gardens.