Gray hair

Tonight, I was staring at my husband adoringly and noticed that he has a few gray hairs at his temples. I love it. I think it's cute.

Then, I had a bad thought. If he has gray hairs, I could have gray hairs soon. WHAT? Is that possible?

What will I do about this when it happens? Will I let it go gray? Will I cover my gray? How do you make a decision like that? When do you stop covering it up and let yourself go gray?

I don't know how people in California do it, but I know that in the south, women don't go gray naturally. Men look all cute with gray on their temples, but it doesn't do so much for most women.

I just don't know. I don't think that I am a particularly vain person. I tend to go for comfort and not for vanity, but I just can't imagine going gray.

Why did this hit me so hard tonight?

Baby formula

Becoming a mommy comes with loads and loads of guilt. I had a hard time nursing Maggie and was only able to nurse her for about a month before I had to stop. Guilt inducing to say the least. I wanted to give her the best in life and nursing is the best for babies.

We had some free samples from the hospital of different kinds of formula. It ran out and we had to get more. Oh my gosh! That stuff was so expensive. I had gone to part time work and money was tight. We talked to Maggie's pediatrician, the BEST pediatrican ever, Dr. Lisa, and she told us that it was okay to use Parent's choice. It's the Wal*Mart brand of formula. It was literally half off from what name brand formulas cost. She said that it was the exact same thing as Enfamil or Similac. Maggie was growing fine and her doctor was pleased with her progress.

So, I felt okay with our decision. Tried to put the guilt of not nursing behind me, but I still had people question our decision to formula feed her and to use Wal*Mart brand formula,too. That's just what a new mom needs isn't it? More guilt from people!

Today, I feel even more proud of my decision to use Parent's choice formula. Look what was decided in the court system. http://industry.bnet.com/advertising/10004868/a-desperate-mead-johnson-loses-135m-jury-verdict-over-false-claims/

The company was losing money and started using ad campaigns like this:

There are plenty of other ways to cut back on baby expenses than on your child's nutrition.

OR

It may be tempting to use a store brand formula, but only Enfamily promotes brain and eye development.

So, there was no need for the added guilt. There is no difference in store brand versus a name brand formula. We get Patrick's formula through WIC because he is a foster child. They only use name brand formula. I wonder why that is. Couldn't we save money by using store brand formulas? Maybe even serve more children by using store brand option. I wonder if it will change because of this case.

The moral of the story. No need for mommy guilt. We are doing our best. I think that it was important for me to be able to stay at home with Maggie on a part time basis and if that meant giving her store brand formula, that was the best decision for our family. I think she turned out fine.

Professor Cubby Worm is released

Tonight was officially the night. He needed to go into the wild. We took lots of pictures of him. He was not an easy subject to take pictures of. It's hard to focus on a moth in a picture and then in a mason jar? Just not easy!

Maggie said her tearful goodbyes and kissed his jar goodbye. She was really scared of him since he's not very cute anymore. She also changed his name to "professor cubby beauty" since he's not a worm anymore.

We put him outside on a shelf so he could leave when he was ready. Maggie promptly stood at the glass screen door and hollered and bawled. She said "it's just not easy to be a foster mom".

I told her that I was proud of her for taking such good care of the professor. He could have died as a caterpillar and never made it this far. She made it possible for him to become a moth (that she is scared of).

It was still hard for her to let go of him.She stood at the back door and watched for him to fly away while blowing him kisses.

Professor Cubby Worm

About a month ago, Maggie saw the "CUTEST" caterpillar ever outside of our house.

She and Steven picked it up and put it in a mason jar with a leaf and some sticks in it and some holes on top of the jar lid.

After a week, Professor Cubby worm stopped moving. It was very sad. She asked us to keep him until Memaw and Nah Nah came to our house for Christmas.

When they got here, she tearfully showed them Professor Cubby worm. She cried because "he never got to celebrate his first Christmas".

I was ready to throw him away and get the dead caterpillar jar off of my kitchen counter, but mom stopped me. She asked me to look at him again.

He wasn't dead! It was a Christmas miracle. He had turned himself into a pupa.

Mom even poked at him with a blunt pair of scissors and he moved around.

I read on the internet that it took about a week to 2 weeks for a moth to hatch from the pupa. So, I expected him to hatch around Christmas day.

However, after Christmas, he wasn't emerging. He stopped moving.

Crap. Now, what was I going to do with Professor Cubby worm? I mean, the guy went to college and got himself all educated!

Maggie was staring at him this afternoon and started screaming.

Yep. Professor cubby worm emerged. He is sitting on the leaf. Tomorrow, he will be released into the wild. What a wild trip!

A new year, a new decade, a new beth?

I feel the need to write something momentous and awe inspiring and a brand new start to an old blog. This is a new year and a fresh start. It's even a new decade. I feel like something awesome should start!

However, the "old dishes" are still needing to be washed and my kids still need to be bathed. Our cute pastor talked about a visualizing what our 90 year old church could look like. He's reading a great book about our dreams and what God can do through us and beyond our wildest dreams.

I have always been way too practical. I like structure. I like playing within the rules. I'm all about working within the system. I have a hard time dreaming and imagining what God can do through me.

My daughter is the opposite. She has wild dreams and wonderful ideas and is ready to turn our home into a puppy shelter/lemonade stand to raise money for people who don't have any money. She doesn't understand why I don't want to go gung ho with every idea that she has.

Honestly, she makes me feel like a stick in the mud.

How can I encourage this wild dreamer? She is going to be a visionary for God. She will do amazing things for Him. But what if I squelch her dreams and ideas? Sometimes I am just tired!

Maybe I have that wild imagination inside of me somewhere too. Maybe it's just buried beneath my desire to have a clean house for more than 2.5 seconds. But, I don't think that God really cares what my house looks like. He is more concerned with my heart and how I am serving others.

I pray that this year I can let go of some of my structure. Or even just follow a dream of another God follower and not allow me to talk myself out of something before it starts.

Parent Trap

Today, we slept in late, even Patrick! Then, we were very, very lazy. We stayed in our pajamas til about 1:00. I bathed the kids and put Patrick down for a nap. Maggie and I were watching tv and the Parent Trap came on the Disney channel.

I asked Maggie if she had ever seen the Parent Trap. She had never seen it before. It was such a cute movie. I hadn't ever seen the newish one with Lindsay Lohan in it. I loved the Haley Mills' version.

It was so fun to watch it with her. I love watching movies that I loved watching as a kid with Maggie. She was so into the movie and was hoping that she could go to camp to find her twin, too. I hate to break the "bad news" to her that she doesn't have a long lost twin that lives with my divorced spouse.

trying to sort it out

We have had Patrick for 3 months now. He looks like Maggie. He adores Steven. He is seriously one of the easiest going babies ever born. Most of the time forget that I didn't give birth to him.

Today, during worship, God hit me pretty hard. I don't pray for his mom to get well. There's a part of me that doesn't want her to get well. I love him. It's easier for me if she doesn't recover.

I say that it's because I want him to be in a safe place. But, I really just want him to be in our family forever. He's perfect and wonderful.

I don''t have a nice ending for this blog. Just being vulnerable.